something about christmas..

I've been so busy vacationing(read: doing nothing) that I have forgotten my blog.
So maybe now I'll get something written here. I might start by trying to remember the gifts I got.
Let's see..
An exercise bike for starters. Fabulous. James Bond encyclopedia, 2 other books(Kettusen kannettava & kirjastokissa), cocktail shaker which I wished for but it came with 2 margarita(!!) glasses, a scarf and socks. Nero dishes. 18 piece coffee set.. although we dont drink coffee..
I got the black&white cotton satin sheets I wished for. Though I dont think I mentioned satin on my list. Which is great since I wanted cotton satin to match my new black cotton satin sheet I bought from Hemtex. Hmm. Then we got 2 Kivi's. Chocolate. I'm forgetting something I'm sure..
Then I got the pink canon ixus 80 I've been wanting. Although I just ordered it yesterday and it is still on the way and the gift-giver doesnt know about it yet. And then we got kitchen towels.
Maybe that is all..
Break time

everything is ready for xmas

it seems that everything is now ready for the treeless xmas.. sucks really. xmas is nothing without a tree. I suppose it is going to be rather disappointing again. No tree. Very little present. A hang-over (Not me though).
I gave him the idea of driving to mom's tomorrow morning for a day and I think he actually thought about it, but it seems it is not going to happen.. As I knew it would be..

Next year I want abroad for xmas. I dont want to be here where everyone just gets disappointed.. I used to love xmas. It is just full of stress and hurt now.
lose-lose situation for me.

the only good thing about all this is the seven-day holiday I got.

fair?

why is it that the executive types, you know, people with money, get all the free wine bottles and other nice things? I've been sitting here a week now, watching people getting xmas presents.
And then there is us. The poor people. We dont have any extra money and we have to pay for our own xmas wines. Fair?

skint

Less than a week to xmas and I'm basically broke.
There is still foods and wines to buy and the possibility for a trip to Kuopio. The Kuopio trip might be seriously jeopardized because of that. I know there is no quarantees of it happening at all. I suppose I'll only know on tuesday if not later..
On days like these I really hate my job. Why cant they pay us a decent salary??

family

I started a project two days ago. A huge project. The idea is to gather information about Torola family. And create a more up-to-date family tree including us, the Finnish side.
I created a form. A simple way for everyone to tell me some basic things about themselves and their families. It's been 2 days. I've received 5 replies plus my own. It is cetainly not going as smoothly as I imagined. I dont know what to do to get people interested in this cause. Should I create a Facebook cause?
There are people who are really looking forward to the results.. Why arent the rest of the people helping us?
Anyone got any ideas how to get those people to fill the form?

it's been a while

So I thought I'd try to write a few lines.
All my xmas shopping is done. Finally. Well to be quite honest, not all of it. I think I still need to buy something small for the in-laws. Chocolate or something.
One gift is still on the way. Bought a few online this year. So easy. Saves me the trouble of going out. lol.
Yesterday I did something slightly mad. Or not exactly mad but spur of the moment anyway. I ordered a cd. Eurovision song contest 2007. The reason I ordered it was the price. 95 cents and no delivery fees. I might find some great songs in there. I cant remember any of the songs and that was only last year.

My knees are hurting. I cant sit normally so I sit in strange positions and it does bad things to my knees.

The strangest thing happened this morning but it is that sort of stuff I cant tell here. All I will say that it is a big mystery.

awful

it is quite horrible to want something so bad and knowing you cant have it. really quite awful.
Right now I should be on the car driving to the airport and not sitting at work worrying about it. One more reason why I hate my job.

The plane is landing in 14 minutes. And there'll be no one to pick him up. I'd really want to be there. really really really want to.

I was planning to go home with chinese food but there really isnt a good chinese place anywhere near here or on my way home. The best place is in Kangasala, a bit too far away.

trallallalalaalalaa.. boooored

I should stop thinking about my life. It only gets me down.
The troubling thing is that I cant get excited about xmas shopping! In the past years it has always been something to look forward to. Now I cant see it. Shouldnt say more. Too depressing.

What would be something fun and positive I could write and/or think about? I've no idea. Even when I get home I have to empty the dishwasher and put away the dry laundry.

Now I have one positive thought. Driving. Hopefully I can drive to work all week. I mean he's on vacation where would he need to go on thu or fri?

I am a bit ashamed to admit but I ate 900gs of Hornets yesterday. They are just so good and the boy doesnt like them.

I need a vacation!! I real one, not just a few days off work sitting at home.

xmas shopping

Today was the day R went to Ireland. I was a bit scared about his flight. The weather really wasnt all nice and clear. But everything went fine it was a rather smooth flight. And yes I'm very jealous. Why dont I ever get to go anywhere?????
The all time greatest lotto price was cut in half and I got nothing. As usual.

Our Ideapark trip was a short one this time. Only 4,5 hours. I spent about 55 euros and what did I get? only three presents!! I suppose I'll have to buy cheaper gifts for everyone else.

What can I get for daddy?

Now I'm feeling strangly empty. Miss my honey.

Though I thought lots of things happened and I'd have plenty to say I got nothing.

blah..

Happy thanksgiving everyone!!

It seems that most people have something they always wanted to do or are (and always have been) good at something. Perhaps a favorite subject at school that they want to continue to study or an artistic tendencies.. I dont have anything like that. At least to the extend where it would help career-wise. I suppose my only talent would be knowing the us states in alphabetical order plus their capitals. and being able to locate each state on the map. It's not a very special talent. Not a talent at all. A result of years of practising. The only thing that makes it even slightly unique is the fact that I dont suppose there are too many Finns who can do the same.
I wish there was something I was good at or at least something I would be super interested in.
I love singing but that's not an option since.. oh well I sound horrible.
It is just one of those times when lots of things start to cause stress and then I start worrying about lots of other things at the same time. I just want to be happy! Why is it too much to ask?
I dont want to be poor anymore :(

at the dentist

This was my very first drilling experience. Something I had been dreading for years. Not so many 24-year-olds are this inexperienced when it comes to holes in their teeth. I must have very strong teeth.
So it's been to numb or not to numb for a long time, listening to people tell horror stories about their dental visits. Some say it doesnt hurt at all some say it hurts really bad. Others say the needle hurts more than the drill. With all these mixed stories it was really difficult to choose what to do. The answer came actually only a day before. Yesterday. At lunch. Talking with Mari. She said some people who fear the doctor listen to music while they operate. This was brilliant!! What could be better? I started feeling brave and strong I decided to tell the doctor I dont need to be numbed. I'd be willing to try without, but with music in my ears.

She started drilling and I found myself thinking what was all the fuss about? I cant feel a thing. At least anything unpleasant. Then in comes one of the nurses or another doc, not sure, saying that the fire alarm went off, cant you hear it? So it was off to the street for the whole gang.

It was funny to see how slowly people react to fire alarms. Horrible noise but people are just wondering what is going on and do we really have to go out.. And it took quite a long time for the fire fighters to arrive. Coming slowly, walking in, asking if anyone knows where the alarm began and where the fire alarm box (or whatever) is.. Not a care in the world. I suppose they would have needed a lot of smoke to move faster. It doesnt really matter since it was a false alarm but it took us out in the freezing cold for 15-20 minutes.

Back in the chair. Doc kept on drilling and I was trying to concentrate on the music but kept stopping it in case the doc said something. Suppose I'm such a curious person that I cant just relax and let them do their thing, I want to know what is happening. Absorb information.

It took a long time to drill. In the end, at times, I felt something a bit unpleasant but cant really say it hurt. And it was like a second at a time. The suction was more painful. Now there is something white in my tooth. It feels weird.

I thought she would have done all the holes at this visit.. Or maybe she would have if it hadnt been for the fire alarm. Said that next time she'll probably have time to do the last 2 since I dont need the numbing and they are small. This one was a big hole. So this means 3 holes in 24 years. And only one is a bad one.

On the bus on the way home I found myself thinking what would it cost to go see a private doctor later on.. They dont ever seem to have price lists online or anywhere. I dont think I'd like to wait another 7-8 months for a new appointment with the public dental care. Dont think I'd be as lucky to get the same doc again.. She's a good doctor. Estonian I think. Might have thought she was German before but Estonian makes more sense. Her last name doesnt sound anything like German.

busy saturday

It's 5:42pm and this is my first moment to myself all day.
I have been doing so much today. Started by carrying paper trash out.. Took 2 trips. Next step might have been vacuuming. Then I decided I would scan all my salary papers to my computer. Easier access. Then it was time to go grocery shopping. That was an expensive trip and I dont have much money left. But it's alright more is coming on Friday. Just this morning I started thinking about making the xmas cookies today. (gingerbread cookies or whatever they are called). I was supposed to do all that closer to xmas but this weekend is just as good as any. So got home and started doing the dough. When it was cooling down in the balcony I went to the basement to search for xmas curtains and other xmassy stuff. I found perfectly good pants. Barely used. Bought them nearly two years ago and then soon they got large. Now unfortunately I've almost grown back into them. Then I ironed the curtains and some table cloths. Only got curtains for kitchen. I thought I'd have more but the apartment with the similar height rooms was smaller. We have wider windows here. So those that used to be in the living room in the old place are now in the kitchen. Kitchen is actually the only room that looks xmassy now.
I'm pretty sure I did something before finishing the dough, but I just can't remember what. After the dough I think I read all the xmas ads for inspiration. Tried to take a picture of the circular saw R wants to sell. Then I decided to see online what kind of recipes there would be for mushroom sauce. This made me realize I need an onion. Just had to go get one. After coming back I chopped the onion and garlics ready and potatoes too. Everything is ready to be cooked when the clock hits six. 8 minutes left.
I still have more scanning to do but I think tomorrow after the piparis would be fine.

green home

We have taken a step towards more green home. We got our first energy saver light bulbs yesterday. The funny thing about those is the time it takes to light up. It "starts" slowly and takes a while to reach full light. Interesting. Is that the key to it's energy saving?

And our electricity is 100% wind power.

Boy, arent we green :)

snow&parking

There's something I've been wondering for a long time. When the ground is white, why do people lose the ability to park?
Why does a parking area of 10 spaces suddenly only fit 8 cars? Why do they have to leave their cars much farther than before the snow? Someone might try to say that it is because you cant see the lines of the space anymore. But what if you couldnt even see them without the snow? Lots of people have to struggle finding a space for their car because of the idiots who have parked before them..

Snow fight!!!

The gound has been white only for a little while and already I got hit by a snow ball. On Facebook though. Since there is no need for people to actually meet anymore these days even snow ball fights have turned electric. It is not as much fun, but is less dangerous and messy.

This sudden winter has made my legs itch. and that is because my skin gets dry when it's cold. It's funny how fast my body reacts to this coldness and snow. First my hair now my legs.

It is really very beautiful outside. Although I'm not the biggest fan of snow I have to admit it looks very nice. And now everything is just so light! Even in the middle of the night it's not very dark. And I don't mind that. The darkness was getting to me. Making me more tired and depressed even.

I would like a massage. It's a shame I have to pay for it. And I can't afford to.. So I'm stuck. And even if I could afford it how would I know where to go? Who is a good masseur? I need someone who won't try to make a lot of chitchat, that is a sure way to not help me relax.

I suppose I must continue scanning..

Xmas just got better

I had already given up hope of any extra holidays over the holiday season. But now I got 2!! So I'll be having 7 days of relaxing over the holidays. Fantastic! And I intend to relax.

I had a brilliant idea for a blog post in my head earlier today.. I just have absolutely no idea what it was now!!

This has got to be the longest week of my life! I cannot believe it's only Tuesday!! It just can't be.

Next week I'm getting my first taste of Buzzador. See what it is all about. And it's not a bad way to start. Getting free(expensive) cat litter and food. More of these.

I've been 24 hours away from blogs and already I'm behind reading 3 posts.

Since I've got nothing real to say I'm going to stop now.

grrrrrrr

this is a very shitty day. I feel horrible.
If I wasnt so busy I'd do something to take my mind of bad things. Last time I felt awful for a long time I used country music and James Bond to help. I've been listening to so much country lately it probably won't help. So it's up to James. Have to see if I can find some good clips on YouTube. We have a DVD-drive on this work computer, I could always bring my own Bond tomorrow if I still feel like it.
I think I need something romantic in my life. Something that would make me feel better about myself. But all I can do is dream about it.

Bad day - depressing blogs..

I need James right now

I miss going out

Lately I have started missing going out. Having fun. For a long time I was happy to have some alone time at home some evenings but it's all gone now. It may be a phase but this is how I feel.

Sitting alone at home sucks today. I dont want to eat anything, drink anything nor watch telly.
It is Rauta-Otra's xmas party tonight.

All I can do is sit on the sofa with my new singables playlist on my ipod and sing..

It seems that blogging isnt a thing I want to be doing tonight..

Big dilemma..

I suppose I'll just see what Marc and Megan have written and then get more bored..

Have a nice weekend...

Zzzzzzz

I can't believe it's only 7:30 pm. I feel as if it should be at least 10pm.
Woke up at 5am.
It was a really weird day. So messy and different. I must admit I sort of enjoyed it. Had million different things to do not just enveloping those **** invoices all day. Even got to use my head a little. It's a nice change.
I was meaning to take a nap after work but realized that if I want to sleep in tomorrow I must stay up all day.
I really need to start watching more tv shows. I don't have enough episodes saved when I need them. I was wondering if Mad Men is any good.. Should I check it out? Already added NCIS to my must-see list.
CSI taping was cut short. I don't know how much I missed. They shouldnt show so many ads if they cant keep the shows within the time limits..
Daniel Bedingfield's song If You're Not The One is absolutely fantastic.

I suppose tomorrow must be a cleaning day.. I have spread a lot of my hair all over the floor.. and the cat litter needs changing.. When do I have time to relax? and what is the best way to do that anyway?

gosh it's raining again..

BP 111/64 Pulse 56

I'm really tired. Had a rather terrible night. I'm planning to nap after work. At least I am not busy now.. You might have guessed.. since I have time to check my blood pressure and all.

I got my name to X-partner. Hopefully this year they'll send me a xmas present and not just Henna like last year.

You know what? I think it's a shame so few people blog. I mean of my friends. Only three active bloggers but they are all from the other side of the world. It would be fun to read about what's going on in everyone's life..

I'm far too tired to think of anything to say. Just can't wait to get home and harvest the latest crop in MyFarm.

dentist's appointment

it was today.
I went to this private practise and it was really nice. Fancy chairs and nice carpets. Music.
The dentist was 10 minutes late. I think she's German. At least she has a ü in her name.
It took about five minutes. She checked my teeth and counted maybe 4 holes. Might not fix all of them, the one(s) below are so small. So I'll be going back in two weeks. Makes me wonder why couldnt it be done today? Is it only a way to bill me more? no x-rays taken. Didnt say anything about my wisdom teeth. The dental hygienist thought they might need to be removed. The doctor said nothing. Well maybe next time.
All and all my teeth are in quite good condition. 4 holes in 24 years is not bad, is it?

After I got myself some nuts from w&s. Came home and watched desperate housewives, Le Divorcé and heartbeat.

I thought about going swimming. Would have been a perfect day for that, but I felt totally out of energy. Figured I'd waste my money if I went. Thursday, on thursday I'll go. Can't really afford swimming this month.. shame.

I'm really tired.

can't sleep

I started thinking about r's ireland trip and it got me all down. Do I really have this low self-esteem that I can't believe him when he says he would have wanted me to go with him? The fact that he got the tickets first and then told me he is going doesnt help much.
i wouldnt have been able to go anyway since i'm totally broke this month and dont even have a passport.
I dont believe in words. People can easily say anything. To get what they want or to just say what the other person wants to hear. This is why I'm a firm believer of actions. As they say: actions speak louder than words. I dont like this. Being uncertain. Always wondering. It's not fun or fair.

But hey, it's 1:18am and I'm getting up in about 5 hours and still havent been able to sleep.. dwelling in self pity. Just ignore all this, I'm tired and it's late.

I'm a bit frustrated.. I know what they'd say if this was a movie... but i'm not telling you. haha

style

I know I'm not the most stylish person, or even close, but sometimes I just see people and can't help thinking "what is he/she thinking".
There's a woman on the bus in the mornings. She is short and chubby. Her head is tiny and she has had her hair cut short. But she never does her hair. It's just flat. It looks awful. I mean why bother paying for having it cut and dyed with 2 colors if you're just going to ignore it?

There's a man at work who wear glasses. Luckily not all the time. Those glasses really really don't suit him at all. Did he buy them without trying them on? Did someone else buy them for him? What was he thinking of?

And then there is this girl at work. She tries to be stylish. She's had her hair cut fashionably. Tries to follow fashion i her clothing too. She fails. Terribly. It just looks weird. Following fashion trends just doesn't suit everybody.

And then there's me.. Nothing really suits me. Everything looks a bit off. Most of my clothes are in the category of whatwasithinkingof.. I know I should spend more money on my appearance, but I just can't afford and can't.. be bothered.. because everything will look awful on me anyway. So what's the point? Just trying to choose good colors for me. If only I could get thin arms I'd look different in everything.. I'm just about to give up hope.. :(

yesterday at the pictures

The Brits do have some fun expressions.

Tonight is the premier night of the new James Bond movie. I saw it yesterday :) haha. Xerox offered us a free preview with free snacks!!

It started out with a very exciting car chase. I was in awe. Wondering how was it done. I looked so dangerous. The movie was filled with a lot of fighting scenes. Bond, James Bond never said it like that once. I don't think he ever even said his name in the film. Nor did he order a vodka martini. Oh yeah and he didn't sleep with the Bond girl. Would you have guessed that?
But you know what? I didn't miss any of those things. James Bond has moved to the 21st century. He is more serious, he is tougher, sexier and classier. Me like. heee. I have accepted Daniel Craig as Bond straight away, since I'm not really too keen on hairy blokes. But honestly, that's not the reason. I'm not one of those girls who look at him and only see his abs. I think he gives some sort of depth or something to the character of James, the others didn't.

All in all the movies was good despite the fact that the story wasn't as clear and straight-forward as Casino Royale. It was still highly entertaining. If you're at least one bit interested in Bond movies, this is a must-see.

Someone won the James Bond Encyclopedia! Oh boy was I jealous. I'm such a Bond fan I'm going to add that book to my xmas wish list.

Each time a new Bond movie is released I start feeding my old fantasies of becoming a secret agent. I could never do that for real but it just seems like so much fun and.. well glamorous.
About a year ago, it was one of those busy work days(hahaa) when we noticed that MI5 is hiring!! How cool is that?! Our excitement ended soon when we realized that you needed have lived in the UK for at least 10 years to be eligible.. Bummer... There goes that dream again.

Good choice America!!

It seems like you're going to get a great president next year. He seems like a very smart man. Today I feel really sorry for not being an American.. I want to see the victory speech but you have no idea how difficult it was to find a working version of it. All the websites I found it on didnt work for one reason or another. Even Youtube made it hard. But managed to find it eventually.

When I was thinking about this week's swimming I forgot I have plans for thursday and friday already, so those need to be counted out and since I skipped monday and tuesday I only have today. And I won't be swimming for three hours today so I suppose I'll be forced to live with one time only.

I'm feeling sick. I couldn't resist those All Sorts yesterday so I bought a bag of them. Finished them today (mainly for breakfast...) Now I feel horrible.

I've been learning geography again. I figured that since I know the states and their capitals I could expand to other countries. Africa is going to be tricky. It has always been difficult but I have always passed nicely at school.

This has stopped making any sense again so I'll just stop. ok?

election day

I'm excited. Can't wait for the results.
Suppose I'm a bit weird. Getting all excited about something that really has nothing to do with me.
Still I'm going to wait and see how many sensible people are living in America.
Well that's tomorrows thing.

I saw fresh All Sorts.. I'm fighting the urge to go and buy lots of them. It's going to be easy. The restaurant closes in 17 minutes and those are far too expensive. I was thinking that if I still got to have them after work, I could buy some from the grocery store for a lot less. After the swim. Must go swimming today. Didn't go yesterday. I still got enough money on my bus card for one more time in the pool.

The air in this room is awful. I'm going to start feeling headachy and sick soon.. Sooner than I can get out of here. Getting out in the fresh air won't help.

I'm a bit ashamed to admit but I have been watching one Finnish tv-show. Salkkarit doesn't count. I mean Tukka Auki. Why on earth am I watching something like that? At least I'm not addicted. But this week is a good tv-week since Grey's Anatomy and C.S.I are starting again and the finnish version of the game show Are You Smarter than a 5th grader or whatever it is..

Oh yeah today is the 70-month anniversary of me&r. Not too bad, huh?

i'm in pain

I had to stop scanning before I could really start.. I got a few piles scanned but then my arm just got too bad. It hurts when I have to lift anything, anything at all, no matter how light. Neck is not so stiff anymore. Do I have to ache somewhere all the time?!? First the neck, now the arm, what happens tomorrow?

I asked my boss to order more those exercise vouchers so I can go swimming.

I'm really disappointed with the F1 results. Though I have to admit I slept through most of the race yesterday but I saw 2 last laps and that's when it got interesting. It looked like Massa was going to win the Championship until the last half of the last lap. When Glock let Hamilton pass. Very disappointing.

Yeah well.. I got nothing more

the morning after

Actually it is the evening after the greatest night of the year or something like that.
And no I didn't just wake up. I got up this morning with a hang-over. I was so sure I wouldn't feel bad at all. I didn't drink very much but it was such a mixture of so many things, no wonder I felt horrible. Didn't throw up. It wasnt that bad. And it went past quite fast. Enough about my hangover. who cares, right?

The Apollo night club is absolutely perfect. I had such fun there. The music was brilliant. We danced the whole time we were there. No one even thought about sitting down at any point. And the place wasn't too crowded. Plenty of room on the dance floor.

We ran into two girls from work at the toilets right after we got in. One of them gave us small spider rings. Spider power!! I almost lost mine a couple of times. hihii and Jesse from work(my actual colleague, the girls are working for the other company) was there. Apparently he is a regular. He was fun to watch dance. Quite hilarious.

We left at 2am. Elli wanted to catch the last bus and I though I'd go too but I missed my bus. The bar was a bit too far from the bus stop and we left too late. I passed my friends offers to sleep at their places, wanted to get home to my honey. So I took a cab. Too expensive. But I rather pay myself sick to get home than wake up feeling horrible on someone elses couch.

**** I'm poor again...

Today I got a call from daddy. Said they have bags and bags of old and brand new clothes about to be thrown away. Asked if me and my sis would want to go see if there is something we'd like.
So we did. There really were a lot of clothes. I got some nice things. Funny how there were so many sizes. There would have been more nice shirts but they were too short..

On the way back we had to pick up R's friend coz he was coming to sauna with him and lives quite near my dad.

Now I'm wearing my new shirt I bough yesterday and my new capris and my new beautiful pink scarf that matched perfectly the color of my shirt.

My neck is really killing me now. Lying on the couch feeling horrible this morning made it so stiff.

Yeah I guess that's it

going out

Ok. Going out for the first time in ages. This of course calls for all sorts of girly things like face masks and special conditioner for my hair. Oh and full make-up. Just for fun obviously.

Still gotta wait for about an hour before I can leave. We're going to see how our friend lives first and then we're off to the 90s bar or night club whatever you wanna call it.

I'm starting to get excited. Though I'm a bit tired. I won't be staying too late. And I won't drink too much. I don't want a hang-over. Although I can't remember the last time I'd been suffering the morning after. Luckily I'm nearly skint so I won't be spending too much in any case. Even had to buy that shirt just to have something to wear. It'd look just fine if I had a smaller belly.. :(

it's pouring again

Now I can't wear my lovely lovely shoes tonight. I'll go on my sneakers.. How uncool.
Anyway I think the rest of my outfit will be equally uncool so it won't matter. I'm going to try to buy something half decend after work.. I really don't have any nice clothes.. At least anything that would fit me.. hopeless. It is usually not such a big deal. All I ever do is go to work and come back home again. So I'll spend most of my time in my work clothes. But things change when I have to go out.. where there's people.. who'll see me without my coat on.. Frustrating.

I'm quite bored right now. Half an hour to any action. I'm still at work. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. I like these moments of ease.

My umbrella is broken. I'm going to soak out there. ****.

Oh **** work.. These people should bring those darn invoices here a bit earlier. You know what's funny? People with good jobs seem to be the people who know the least. We get such stupid questions and things here you wouldnt believe it..

sooo lazy today

At work. Pretty busy day. But feeling so lazy. And not just me, my co-worker too.. I'm not really tired as such..
I think perhaps the cod-liver oil pills are starting to take effect. Feeling a bit more awake. Though I havent had very long sleeps at nights. It's also very possible my 2,5-3h naps have something to do with it..
Suppose I'll have to swim today. Just in case I'll decide to shop tomorrow or something else happens. Tomorrow is the day we're going out with the girls, or I'm going out with the girls. going to check out this 90s bar. Perfect for us. I'm just a bit ashamed to go out since I got absolutely no good clothes.. I have three shirts that are barely tolerable, not for public wearing really.. And then a few tees but will I freeze in a tee? And most importantly do I have a good t at all? Been reading Sophie Kinsella's Shopaholic book now so I'm getting a small shopper bug bite.. If only there were any clothes that would look at least ok on me.. I'm too small for the BiB clothes and too big for the regular stuff. And it seems no matter how little I eat and how much I swim I just get bigger all the time. That's not fair. I'm about to give up. I need a miracle.
And yet I made toffee last night. It turned out good although I was a bit hasty. I didnt wait for it to turn brown so it's a weird yellow. But tastes nice all the same. Basically nothing but sugar and cream.. so unhealthy. Not something I ought to be having but I'm frustrated.

I better finish now. Soon I'll have to get back to work.. :(

short day.. or should I say long?

It was a nicely short day at work. Only four hours.
This gave me a lot of time to swim. I had huge plans. I was going to swim at least 2,5 hours.
I gave up after 1h45min. I was getting a bit cold and I lost all my energy. Should have bought the energy drink R recommended.
Soon after I went to do the shopping so I could relax the rest of the evening and as I sat down for my dinner, I was a bit shocked to see the time. It was only 4.30pm. It's so dark it's hard to estimate the time. We'll have tacos later.
Now I just want to eat more. Something. But not anything.

I just finished watching mondays episode of Desperate Housewives. Who is mr Williams and most importantly who is the person he wanted to move to Wisteria Lane for? I think we're only a few episodes behind America so it is possible no one knows :)

For a long time I was disappointed with Wednesdays Tv shows. Or the lack of them. There was nothing good on after Salkkarit. And now, next week there'll be 2 must-see shows at the same time!?! CSI and Grey's Anatomy.

I find myself thinking I should have made more effort on the ITC critique. Now it is just messy bunch of ideas without much logic.

Now I'm very tired. Could take a nap.
These fabulous bodies on telly are making me miserable.

If Tomorrow Comes

Now it is watched.
I have to comment.
In the very beginning we see New York City. This is when I started getting a bit nervous. Why are they showing NYC when Tracy is from Philly? Then she is at her apartment doing those tai ji or whatever exercises.. Now how it went. Then picture moves to New Orleans. To a hotel?!?!?! Her mother did not live in a hotel. And she chose bright red night gown so the blood wouldnt show and she called her daughter just before putting the gun into her head. In the movie she is sitting in her hotel room in a pink negligee and takes the gun out - no phone call.
Charles and Tracy are at a party on a boat owned by Jeff's upcoming first wife. Tracy and Jeff meet there for the first time too.

This is all wrong. I mean I can understand they start telling Jeffs story from the beginning at the same time but like this?
So many things could have been just as easily made like in the book and it was not and it bugs me. Like the color of the nighty. Why pink?

Otto Schmidt is not Otto anymore, he is Hans. Hans?!? Why change the name?
The scene at the Romano mansion is all wrong. And even more wrong after the shot. Why does she run? into a cop and says I killed him? The book version was much much better. Why is she accused of attempted murder when the point in the book was theft? Dvd adds the murder charge on top of the theft.. The first moments in the prison are cleaned from the book version. Everything is all wrong in prison. It is far too light there. Bertha is not a big, fat and ugly Swedish woman. But a thin American woman without Swedish accent. And she is waiting to kill T, not "love" her. Isolation, comfy, light room with a sink and a toilet and a bed. So basically a normal cell for one person.

No nononononononono No.

Well that's the worst parts of the prison time.
Her revenge was a disappointment. Some parts were like the book and some were left out. Good stuff was left out.
In the book she sees Charles with his wife in a restaurant in Philly and decides their miserable faces are a punishment enough. In the mini series she finds them in a restaurant (in ny) with his parents and she tells him off..

The bank didnt seem to owe her money which was a shame.
After her first diamond robbery in Long Island she goes to Europe. (btw at the house she asks the policeman inside to check no one is there yet doesnt let him in.. suspicious. Tracy wouldnt do that.) I was so looking forward to the chess scene in the ship only to see a scene where an airplane lands in London. Big disappointment. At that point I was almost mad. Later on she goes on a Mediterranean cruise. That's where it happens. This was done close enough to the original.
The train part. She was nervous! Clumsy. And the Italians were in separate compartments.. :(
I'm still missing the job she does in London.. The jeweler. Texan woman. And most of all the Madrid job.
The part where she steals a painting from a house she just attended as a guest to a party.. All wrong. Sure there were those infrared beams but she went alone. Jeff came after. To take care of her. Her spanish accent bothered me. It was just so unnatural.

Moving on..
She got sick far too early for the airplane job. They didnt hide in the safe house. He found her there and took to some country side hotel somewhere. In the dvd the safe house was the hotel. weird.
Interpol was after her far too early. This was not cool. Oh and Cooper tried to kill Tracy after the Amsterdam job. What was that all about?

Daniel Cooper was way off. I got the idea that he is a self-controlled, obsessive man. And somehow I cannot see a man like that with a beard. Can you? Bad casting.
I think after all Jeff was quite a good choice. Tracy was perhaps a bit off.. Close but not quite. Günther was great. Ernestine not bad.. not too bad. She didnt seem as tough as I imagined her.
Back to the plot. The last gig. Jeff didnt really attack anyone in the book. Didnt like that part. Much better in the book.

I'm sure I'm forgetting a lot which I have thought and wanted to share about the film. I think my problem is that I've read the book about ten million times. It was alright, after all. I hope reading my criticism isnt stopping you from watching it. Master of the Game is coming soon on DVD. How can I resist? I must have that too...

A fun detail added to the last part on the plane when Tracy finally meets Maximilian Pierrepoint. She is reading Sheldon's The Naked Face. Hahahaaa.

i stole this from tina

She had a post called 10 years of email or something like that.
I wanted to check when I created my very first email account and it was August 25 1998. I remember it. It was IT class in middle school. And I'm still using it. Plus I got four other email addresses I use frequently.
So I could also say 10 years of email for me too. It's quite a long time, 10 years. Luckily there is no way of counting the hours I've spend online.. It would probably be months..

friday

It was a horrible day.
Busy.
Somehow I found myself dreaming of diving into the pool and swimming for ages after work. I think that's a good sign. If I want to relax by doing something like that. And then the idea of sauna seemed perfect. So that's what I did. It was great.
Though the day had seemed terrible till then, it started getting much better after. I suppose I'd have to say the highlight of my day was the message I received from my friend. It said If Tomorrow Comes is on DVD now on the book club. This is something we have both been waiting for for so long. We were afraid we'd never be able to see it. And now it is possible. Fantastic. This means I am going to have to spend the last of my money on it tomorrow. For two reasons. a) I can't wait and b) I can save a lot on postage when getting it from the store. And I'm not going to trust there'd be any left next friday when I get more money.
TeliaSonera decided to bill me again. We haven't had their internet for over a month and still there was the invoice. But since it was electric it might have come automatically because of that. I deleted it. Hope they won't make any trouble. I sure ain't gonna pay for something I'm not using. And I know the contract has ended coz I can't get to my sonera mail anymore.
I'm so proud of myself. I've stayed away from chocolates and candy for nearly three weeks now. or exactly three weeks. I did have ice cream on wednesday but it was b&j's. :)
I think I'm going to stop buying them now since none of the flavors sold are even nearly as good as Cherry Garcia. Damn those Europeans who didn't buy it enough to keep the production going on in Europe.
I think people should blog more. I don't know many people who do. It would be so interesting to know what's going on in people's lives.. Or is it that I don't have a life and everyone else does?

thursday

Yesterday I finally got the application sent. Taking that photo turned out to be a lot harder than I thought. Good thing it was taken by professional. I got a code which I can use from july next year to see the status of my application. I mean almost a year later!!?! A long wait.
After that I went to get myself a vegesub and a pint of chunky monkey. When I got home I had to check the american subway site what is vege sub called in english for real. It's veggie delight. How delightful, would you say? And it was absolutely perfect, as usual. And I managed to eat only half a pint of the ice cream. Of course I've been dreaming about the rest of it all day. Wishing someone would bring it here at work. This has got to be the longest day ever. It just doesn't seem to end.
I have to swim today, I'm running out of days this week and only once have I done it so far.. And my neck is killing me. Or then I could just skip today and swim for two hours on Tuesday.
Oh my neck is really killing me. It has never been this bad. I don't know what to do with it.

wednesday

Time flies past so fast these days. This year I forgot to wait for the results of last years DV Lottery and most importantly I forgot to wait for it to start again. Just suddenly realized it is time for it now.
Still I haven't been able to enter. My problem being the picture. Where do I get a recent photo of me, face front with nothing on the background and no shadows? In my last years photo there was a little part of the sofa behind me. That might have caused me to be eliminated. So this time I'm going to be very careful with the photo. This is the third time I'm entering.

Wish me luck. I really want to win

bad idea

My brilliant idea of flying to Chicago and flying back from Minneapolis is not so brilliant. Too expensive to take two one way journeys. Unless some agency will give me a good deal which I doubt. Back to the original plan..

impatience

I've been thinking a lot about my American trip. It's gotta be next summer because I won't be getting enough time off before my holidays. That also means plenty of time to save the needed money. I've been looking for flight prices to see how much I'm short. Then I need spending money. Everything is so much cheaper there so I'm going to have to do a lot of shopping. I was thinking of limiting my journey (this time) to the Chicago-Minneapolis line. So that would mean flight to O'hare and then go to Madison and then to Minneapolis and back. Unless!! I could always fly back from Minneapolis. There's a thought. And I was thinking, that since I'm going to Chicago I can't leave the city without seeing it. If I were to get a lot of money I could fly first class. Wouldn't that be great? Or go via New York and stay there a couple of days. That would be absolutely fantastic. And really not going to happen. I'm not lucky enough.
I feel like since I've accomplished nothing in my life, this will give me one accomplished thing. Then I can think of "settling down". Whatever that means.. Then I suppose I won't feel like such a failure.

this is my 50th post

wohoo.
This is the sixth day in this **** lobby. I'm so sick of it. The scanner is still broken. It has been since last Monday. The computer guy didn't show up. He might come at noon. There's a disaster waiting on the tables. Not really looking forward to it. But luckily I don't have to be here tomorrow.
I'm so tired. Had really weird dreams last night. The last dream was rather interesting. First of all Tammerkoski was huge. A lot bigger than it actually is. There were this huge old factory buildings that were renovated into apartments. We just moved in there. It was expensive but the price includes fancy lunch everyday. I was pregnant. It was a boy. And I was really worried and upset cos naming a boy is really difficult. I don't know any good boy's names. It was a weird dream. Wouldn't mind living in a place like that. Free lunch everyday and a fabulous view.

I was looking myself in the mirror and felt sick. Today i'm going to test the gym at the swimming hall. I just hope my muscles won't be this sore after work anymore. I used my abs wheel again on saturday and could barely move yesterday. I'm going to get tension headache later today. I just know it. Just like everyday last week. Now i've even started feeling dizzy. That's a bit scary.

There is absolutely nothing for lunch today. I suppose I'll have to take a sandwich. Had an apple for brekkie. I'll be terribly hungry by lunch time. But I'm training myself into eating less. I used to be able to work 8 hour-days without eating anything. This place has ruined me. Nothing good can be said about this job. Nothing at all. And still no big (or small) lotto winning. So unfair.

Yesterday there was opera on tv. There was this man who had a regular sized head, tiny body and supershort arms. I didn't laugh. I didn't think it was funny. All I could think of was at least he can sing. I wasn't really feeling sorry for him as much as I was feeling sorry for me. He could sing. I can do nothing. I really do need a self-confidence boost but I don't know where to get it..

I just want to go back to sleep.

There is still no sign of the dishwasher we were supposed to get in July. I've lost all hope. And I can't afford it now anyway. It would just be nice to be told that it is not coming at all. Wouldn't have to worry about it.

I've started thinking about xmas presents. So here are somethings I've had on my mind:
- Playstation 2 (with guitar hero, singstar, buzz, crash team racing...)
- Nero dishes
- water-proof mp3 player
- Leopard (10.5)
well now I can't think of anything more. I'll tell more later when I've thought of more, ok?

Unusual Saturday

I'm so used to being alone on Saturdays. R is usually at work. Today is his day off. I feel like Sunday. So weird.
Yesterday I went grocery shopping and left my phone at home. When I got to the store and didn't find it in my purse I felt lost. I couldn't think straight. All I could think about what that my phone was not with me. Try to decide what to eat when you can't think straight. It was horrible. Well at least I knew it was at home so I didn't have to worry about its location too.
Think I have solved my swimming problem. I just have to load 20e on my bus card that'll give me five more times in the pool (3.60e/time, so five times, right?) and I still have four of the vouchers.. That should get me through the next three weeks. If I can stick to three times a week. Then I should be able to get more of the vouchers.
For a "water-beast" such as myself I'm not that good with water.. I love to swim but I need goggles and that nose clip to make it smooth. Otherwise I'd just inhale a lot of water and it would be horrible.
Two weeks ago, just when I was starting it I was dreaming of a water-proof mp3 player. Coz the only thing missing is music in the water. And then I found it online! There really is such a thing as a water-proof mp3 player. How great is that!?! The only problem is... I dont have extra 80e to buy that.. Suppose I'll just have to cope without music. Unless someone wants to get me one for xmas. hinthinthint..
Now I'm hungry.. I have some chicken in the oven.. Thinking of making a wok out of it.. Bought noodles and we have some old wok veggies in the freezer.. Hope it'll be fine.

been away for so long.
just busy swimming all the time.
it's just so much fun. got myself the full gear, hat, goggles and the nose clip. now I can swim without inhaling too much water. would need a new suit. the old one is falling apart.
just want to go home and pack my swimming stuff and hit the pool again.
But what will I do when I run out of the exercise vouchers??!?! Only have five left. still weeks left of this month. luckily I get more next month but that's next month. I dont think I can afford to buy 10x card.. or could I?
I might grow out of it if I have to be away for too long.
I suppose this is enough for now. very boring stuff.

wednesday

It has been a stressfull week and it's only half way through. Today I talked to a solicitor! First time ever. I just had to say solicitor coz it's such a funny word. It's about the office supply disaster I'm not going to talk about.
I got to make candy bags today, again. It's fun. But not all that great for me. It is impossible not to eat any(read:a lot) of them while bagging them. Yummy.
My no pizza promise got broken today. Actually I've been having pizzas at home but they dont count. But hey what can one do when there is absolutely nothing else edible on the menu?
Now I need water. But I cannot go get some coz there are people just outside the door smoking and I have to let them in. Hurry up!!
Has it been a week again since my last post? Could it be? Havent been in the blogging mood I guess.
I'm feeling huge right now. Too much candy. Cant. have. more. must. stop. now.
need more water!!!
and need to end this now

in the mood for country

I'm feeling a bit down. Thinking bad thoughts and going through worst case scenarios in my head.
I've decided that I'm no good. I'm not good at anything and I'm not really interested in anything. At least anything I could think of doing for living. It's no wonder I can't decide what I'd like to do.
Suppose I'm stuck in that horrible job for ever.. Or at least until the job no longer exists in 2010.
I really really dont want to do that a day longer but I dont know what I'd really really want to do instead. sucks.
Wouldnt it be great if I could just go somewhere nice to "find myself" like they do on telly? Like spain or new york or london or or or or. But I'm not a millionaire.
Hey that's what I'd like to be - a millionaire. I could do anything I want or do absolutely nothing. I could buy everything I could possibly want and didnt have to stress about anything. A Stress-free life. That's a nice, distant dream.
I'm learning to drink G&T's tonight. Being home alone - again. I could use a lemon. Forgot to buy one.
I love country music for its dark, sad lyrics.

thursday

I've been fighting the urge to go and buy lots of cheap candy today. And now I'm losing the battle.
But to make it less bad I'm going to walk to Citymarket and if I'm still up for it I might walk home from there. That'll be at least 6 kms walk so it sort of erases the badness of the huge pack of candy. Right?
Annoyingly busy day. Hate these. Less than hour and a half left so I'm almost saved.
Any ideas what I should do today? Yet again I'm left alone for the night. More of these and I'm seriously getting suspicious :)
I tried one of those Vaalikone thingies a few days ago and guess who was the best match?? Mikko Alatalo! hahahaa. Have to test the others as well to see which one gives me the best answer.

I should get back to scanning. **** ****

wednesday

four days without posting anything. Someone might think I've been busy or have nothing to say... And that would be so... true.
It was a weird weekend coz it was so different, even though it wasnt really..
work's been awful, like always.
I skipped pizza again today. Took a lot of strenght. The tuna salad wasnt at all good. But I'm proud of myself. If all goes well next week I can have a slice. Only if I reach my goal. What's my goal? I'm not telling. ha ha.
enough.

friday

I've changed my mind about something I wrote earlier this week. Erased it totally. So never mind.
It's sunny and freezing today.
Last night I found myself thinking that perhaps I'd like a job without any responsibilities. Something interesting where I could learn the job peacefully. The problem is that everyone is always looking for people with years of experience and no one ever wants someone to learn..

I've got to learn to drink water. I've lived for days with only a glass of milk a day. That can't be good and healthy. But how can I remember to drink water when I'm not thirsty? There must be something wrong with me.

My cats worked really hard to wake me up last night. Loud meows and scratching the litter box.. I don't know what time it was but before sunrise anyway. It's amazing how 2 smallish(read: big) animals can make so much noise..

I got a bit carried away yesterday at home. With food. Had 3 Lidl pizza slices and a Tupla Sport apple. Somehow just couldn't stop eating. Later I was being kept awake by phone calls from the man in the woods. I couldn't even hear him well all the time. I am not even sure if he got mad at me for some reason coz he ended the call so suddenly. I just didn't hear everything. Now I'm not sure wheter to be nervous or not. And I suppose after 20 or more beers he won't be waking up for hours.

It's amazing how, all the people I know and know of, I've never seen anyone familiar trying for idols. You'd think that after 4 seasons there'd be at least one person from some school or somewhere that i'd know. They said all the approved auditions would be on web-tv. But they didn't say they'd cost something. Though I did suspect it.

I'm listening to elevator music today at work. Lifehouse similar artists radio.

I've obviously got nothing to say today so I'll just give up

thursday

I have about 4 hours to write this today. Doubt I'll spend so much time though.
I still remember some html-code. Starting to forget everything I've ever learned coz I never have to use the info. But I managed to add links to my blog. I've seen them in others blogs and I've always wondered how they get them there. Suppose once there was an easier option for adding links to friends blogs but I've been unable to find that option. I had to do it the hard way, by coding. It looks a bit out of place, wrong fonts and sizes and all that but it doesn't really matter. At least I have an easy access to everyone's blogs. Everyone sounds far more than 4 people.

I forgot I was writing this. Got stuck reading Emmerdale website. Now I have some idea what is going to happen in the future in that show and most importantly who killed Tom King. That's something I didn't want to know, but accidentally read it.

I'm facing another lonely night tonight.. Altough "another" might not apply here. I'll be joining him tomorrow after work, after I've fed the fur balls. I just have to find out somehow when the busses go. Now I have a plan based on bus time tables for tomorrow. I just have to figure out what food to buy coz I only have like half an hour to buy it and then find the stop.
I suppose after tomorrow I won't have any money left. At all. It's been 11 days since the pay day and now I'm skint. How fair is that? 19 days to go.

Now I'm really bored.

Guess what my bf suggested earlier?!?! A spa weekend! How great is that? I've been complaining about stress and work work work never ending. How much I need a holiday. We could go to Eden some weekend and spend the night. Price includes unlimited access to the pool area and buffet-breakfast. It's quite expensive but who cares?! Hotel night and lots of swimming sounds fabulous.

I think I'm mixing american and british english all the time here. Teachers always said choose one and stick with it. Never been good at that.

This is a stupid work day. No one to chat with. Nothing going on in Facebook. I'm answering questions on FB's Interview application but it has some problems all the time. Error after each enter. Not fun.

This is going to be my worst post yet. Hours long self babbling. Nothing interesting. Nothing fluent. One thought here and another there.

I realized this morning on the bus that I'm screwed on the last two days of the month. My bus card expired on Sunday, 2 days before I get money. So I have no idea how I'm going get myself to work those days. It's too early to get a ride and too cold for biking. I hope I don't have to walk.

Actually I would have work to do, but I don't feel like doing it.. Okay okay I'll put one to the scanner and continue these more important things.. I ended up doing the whole pile. It's late enough to "retire" from that for the rest of the day. Nearly two hours left and I need an idea of what to do all that time. 2,5 hours I*ve written this thing. 2,5 hours and this is all I've come up with? Lame.

Ok I'm going to give up now. This is enough BS for one day. I'm ashamed to publish this but here it goes..

paprika rasism

At lunch I found out I am not the only one who hates paprika. Always thought people generally like it. Which I could never understand. It's horrible. One day they ruined all breakfast sandwiches with it and even when I took the paprika out of it I could still taste it. Yuck yuckyuckyucketyyuckyuck.
One small reason why I chose soup over pizza today was coz I suspected that it would be poisoned with paprika. Kebab-pizza often is. I was right.

How could we(the sane folk :)) get the paprika prices so high they'd stop using it all together?

Need a master plan. Ideas?

Wednesday

I still feel horrible. After yesterday's incident at work. At least I'm not shaking anymore. Trying to get my mind off that. It's very hard. Looking at London real estate. There's a nice £13,5 million place.. Wouldn't mind living there.
I have found myself a new idol in the acting world. Well he's British as the best looking actors usually tend to be. And we all see him on telly on fridays at 7.10pm. So it is Jonathan Kerrigan. There, I've said it. Let's move on.

Moving to a completely different matter. Food. Almost lunch time. It's pizza day and I'm determined to go for the soup. The pizza is usually very good but I'm going to resist. I'm going to eat light as long as I possibly can.
I should probably get back to work now..

Midnight adventure

I thought I could sleep properly, 10 hours even. Boy was I wrong. Around 10-ish last night, I was already in bed trying to fall asleep when my phone rang. It was my bf. He was 130kms away on a business trip and asked if I could pick him up, now. After the first shock it started sounding interesting. It's so rare that I get to drive long distances and alone. So I said ok. I went. Nearly two-hour-drive /way. I thought of it as an adventure. A chance to sing my heart out in an empty car. It was fun. But in small doses. If I had to do something as crazy more often it wouldn't be fun anymore.
So no more 10 hours sleep.. Instead it was more like 4,5 or so. As you can imagine I am rather tired right now and would love to go home to sleep.. Still more than three hours at work and then food and then cooking and watching telly.. I'll probably be really tired all week now.

Dieting is really hard work. Yesterday I spent counting calories. Tried to eat enough for one day to lose weight but not one bit more. So the aim was at 1250 calories. I'm worried I didn't get there.. Was looking at my food diary in the evening and wondering what can I eat for 550 calories still today.. Decided on half a vege sub without cheese.. Perhaps I should have kept the cheese. At least the scale was really scary this morning. But then again it was the first time in a long time so I don't know if it was more or less than yesterday. I think I'm a bit too impatient for diets. Coz I need results right away, not a month or a year from now.. We'll see how long I can keep this up this time. I'm sick of being the fatty.

How many times have I mentioned that I want the iPhone?? Probably too many. It's such a great thing. Maybe when my iPod breaks and my phone gets worse.. Or when I win the jackpot on some nice Saturday.

Found a great new game. It's keeping me busy all day long. Just as well, I don't really have any work to do. It's called Papas Pizzeria. I'm now Master Chef.

Monday

AAARRGH!!! work again.. I need a proper holiday. I mean time in the sun where I'll be pampered and I don't have to cook or serve any meals or do anything for anyone else. Too much to ask?
There was some (drunken) talk of Dublin trip sometime this coming winter me included. Wouldn't be just for the boy.. I'm not going to get too excited. He was after all had a few beers. Shall I get a new passport?

Could someone explain to me why sometimes it looks cold outside when it's sunny? I mean when it actually is cold. My point is, it is sunny, no snow anywhere.. How do I see the coldness?

My perfect plan to eat less than 1000 calories today is going to fail.. Or not. But I'm very hungry now. Had 3 meatballs for lunch plus some carrot(raaste) and melon. If I have a rye sandwich and an apple next will that keep me happy till tomorrow? I read that 7 minutes of driving will burn off the porkkanathingy. I'll be behind the wheel for at least 8 minutes so it will do more than that. haha.

I finished reading the last of Åsa Larsson's books but I forgot to bring it back. It is Henna's book.
It was quite alright. Not brilliant but readable. What should I read next? I don't think I have any interesting unfinished books of my own and definitely not enough money to buy any.. Library is always an option but..

Now there's a teribble taste of tooth pick in my mouth.. yuk. And I have a feeling I'll be getting a headache before this work day is over.

Speaking of work I had a dream where I think I got a job here with the other company. Was talking to the big boss about work time.. But he didn't actually hire me or anything and I was a bit unsure of what to do.. It was just a dream and so far I've not been offered a better job.

So the boy is away on business today and comes back tomorrow. Strange to say that since his job isn't exactly the typical one to go on a business trip.. Learning about the new Bosch products and getting free booze and food and hotel accommodation. At least I can go to sleep at nine :)

Break time

saturday

wohoo I have a reader! Bet it was a one off and no one ever reads this ever again.
I was feeling a bit sick this afternoon. Glad it passed, got a bit freaked out for a moment there. Better not come back again.
I ate 900gs of Hornets today. Just couldn't stop. They are just so good. But I also bought a food diary. The plan is to write down everything I eat and drink during each day, hoping it will help me eat less..
Just realized a few days ago that I havent drunk more than one glass of milk a day and nothing more. You're supposed to drink at least a litre of water a day and I get one glass of milk.. Still not been thirsty.. Weird huh? Must be something wrong with me..
I saw Dirty Dancing for the first time today. I got a bit too high expectations so it wasn't as good as I'd hope. It was good but not as good as I expected. Right after that I felt like dancing. I even checked the local cuban dancing school's website right after. Very expensive. But it didn't make me want to dance as much as Shall We Dance.
If I had too much money I would definitely try all kinds of dancing possibilities. Probably would love that. I'd really want to try rock'n'roll.
We're almost out of cookies. I baked cookies two days ago.. I think I've eaten them all myself.. They're delicious, but basically nothing but sugar and fat..
Still haven't figured out how to add other blogs as links on my blog.. Others have links to others blogs and I'm totally clueless.. Ashamed to admit

thursday

I can never remember thursday in spanish..
lunes, martes, miercoles and then nothing.. sunday domingo but the last three don't stay in my head.

thusdays suck. No one's ever online to chat with and lunch is usually bad on thursdays. There's nothing good about thursdays.. Only when it's pay day.. But even then it feels funny to go to work on friday, coz it somehow feels like it would be friday coz of the money. too confusing?

I can't stop wondering why the richest people are the stingiest.. Unfortunately I don't dare write more about the subject.

Would I have enough energy to go to gym today? It's been months since my last time and these are the last weeks I have the chance.

If only I had even half decent salary.. Maybe I'll leave it at that.. You can figure out the rest.

I want to buy things. I want a new sofa, digital camera, a pink one and a new washing machine. Oh and our vacuum cleaner is quite bad too. Still no sign of the dish washer.. I'm starting to believe that it's not coming at all.. I'm afraid to spend too much of my money coz I don't have any idea when I'm going to need that dishwasher money..
Maybe I should buy a lottery ticket today. Really need money. If I could get a thousand I could either spend it on my loan or buy the camera and the washing machine with it. Or both. 50-50.

Our boss is having a bad week. She is once again taking it all out on us. Everything just sucks

I need one of those bright light lamps to take away my autumn depression. I read it helps. The darkess makes me sleepy and depressed. I need light. Preferably sunlight in the south, Spain or so ;)

This will have to do for today

wednesday

yet another pizza day.

I'm affected by the weather far too much. This so called global warming has brought never ending rains here. So basically it is dark and wet all the time. Our summer lasted for 2 weeks and even then it wasnt all that hot and clear-skyed. Looking at weather forecasts for Madrid and Madison, makes me really green with envy. Those places are still very hot, still full of summer. I suppose there is an upside to all this - winter. If the next winter is going to be anything like last winter, we wont see much snow. Although snow would mean less darkness.. I'm guessing it'll be dark and rainy till june next year. Then we'll see a couple of sunny days and rain comes back for at least a month.

This never ending darkness is making me so tired all the time. I've started taking 4-hour naps and still no problems falling asleep at night.. (started meaning I've done it once...) I'm all depressed and gloomy.. Positive thinking and energy are two words I'm not familiar with.

On Monday I sent 2 job applications. One for this "mother" company and one for Crocs. I spent nearly 3 days working on the application for this place, wanting it to be perfect. But now I feel like this office supplies disaster is ruining my chances.. At least a little bit. My colleague did fantastic damage control when she told the big boss about it. I don't know how she managed to write such an email. I was really really nervous at first but then I saw what she wrote and felt better right away.

I don't know how to deal with salesmen who don't shut up for a second. And don't ask if we want to buy they just sell sell sell. Before I knew it I was signing the order sheet. Horrible men. Never want to see them or anyone like them ever again. They even called first but talked so fast and so much I didn't understand what they wanted.

This is becoming the longest ever post and no one will ever want to read it.. (As if anyone ever does).

I had a superfun weekend. I laughed so much. Occationally it was hard to breathe. We weren't drunk(though we did consume 4,5 litres of wine and 4 ciders/each) and we weren't high, if that's what you're wondering. And we ate and ate and ate. Basically we were eating all the time(or cooking) except when we were rowing for about 10-15 minutes and playing footie and frisbee for about another 15mins. Then we did the girly thing. It was 70 minutes till the shops close and we had to leave to get more candy. Ended up buying 3 bags of candy and chocolate. It was fun.

Got a little new-car-fever on that trip. Driving that old thing doesn't feel like anything anymore, not after the brand new car. And I didn't even drive it.

I'm worried that I didn't spend enough money on my wellies.. I'm afraid there'll be a hole on the bottom soon.. I have to wear them so much. If only I could get past this fall, winter and spring with those I'd be happy.

As you may have noticed, I have nothing to do. Or I would have if I didn't have to sit here in the lobby.

And now I got nothing. Head is blank.

feliz cumpleaños a mi

cumpleaños feliz, cumpleaños feliz.. You get the picture. I've been making a list of all the people who remember me today. It is very very short though it's nearly 1 pm. I didn't count those who wished me in advance (basically because that's not nice, it doesn't really mean anything unless it is actually your birthday).
My colleagues were very nice and got me a card and a scratch ticket. It was very nice of them, although very unnecessary. Yesterday when they were asking what I want for my birthday I gave very vague ideas.. not really vague as such but something a bit too much, like a Spanish Villa or a Caribbean holiday. Either of those would be nice. Just distant dreams.
I should really think of an idea for tonight. It's not cool to just sit and watch telly like we do every night. I need this day to feel like a birthday, not just another wednesday. But I have no idea. I don't think I could persuade my bf to go to the local restaurant for dinner. I will try but that's just one doomed idea. And I really don't want to cook myself. I don't also want the normal take-aways we have far too often. For one day I just want to feel special.. Is that too much to ask? Just one day in a year.

Friday

Also very very tired. Not interested in working one bit. Luckily got nothing to do anyway.
Strange thing about this place is, that even though I sign out after each time, it is still signed in when I come back the next time. This is at work, not at home.

He estado intentando aprender español. No sé si cualquiera de esto está correcto. el babelfish me está ayudando. finalmente encontró el deletreo correcto del " joder".

If I had the babelfish where ever I go, I think I could learn Spanish in no time.

Yesterday I found an interesting job. It is not for anyone with any ambition. Probably pays less than this one. But if it paid even the same amount I would definitely be interested in applying. I'd much rather work in a warehouse of a clothing store. No customer service. Just you and the clothes, before anyone else sees them. It's a smallish warehouse so it is very possible it would be quite an independent job. I'd like that. I've emailed them asking about the salary, but haven't gotten a reply. I'm starting to think they are not going to reply. Their fault there wasn't a phone number. Besides, even if it is a lot more fun but if it pays a lot less I can't afford to even think about it. Still I just want out of here. Preferably before the boss returns.

How many times have I mentioned how much I hate rain??!? If I had money and language skills I'd want to go to Spain and never come back.

Yesterday I got excited about leasing a car. If only I didnt have my loan to pay back I would definitely consider leasing a Fiat Punto for it is so cheap. A brand new car and no worries about maintenance and tire changes.

What could be the thing today? The thing that makes me excited and makes the time fly? I'm all out of ideas. I've even searched for holidays and apartments in London and Spain so often I don't feel like doing that today.

sunday morning

i was woken up a bit too early. and no lotto winnings yet again. nothing about a new, better job for me. why cant I have any luck? why am I destined to be poor? it is just not fair. I think I've had my share of poverty and things should be starting to change soon. Cant seem to get the loan off my back either. Though it is getting smaller each month, but not nearly fast enough.
This seems to be only about complaining. I should cheer up and try to make it more interesting. No wonder no one ever reads it..

saturday, the day after the party

I controlled myself just fine. didnt drink too much, although it was still quite a lot. got home before midnight and woke up at 9 am the next morning. Which was just fine since I had to go with my dad to Huittinen. he said it would be about 2,5h trip. turned out he was wrong by 2 hours. and he had lots of complaits about the car. it's a good car. works just fine. after that we watched a terrence hill and bud spencer movie and went to sauna.
i opened another bottle of wine. red this time, australian. I really dont have much to say about today.
I have a friend who makes money with his blog. I dont know how he does it. perhaps he has more readers then me. I suppose no one ever reads mine.
I dont even know why i started writing this today. never mind. forget all about it

tuesday

Something really exciting happened this morning just before I got any work done at work. Daddy called. Asked if we were interested in buying a new dishwasher. Then he said how very cheap it is and why it needs to be sold asap. We then decided to buy it. A brand new dishwasher!! jee. I was getting a bit worried about the old one rusting all the knives.
Now when it arrives it's time to figure out can we(mostly me) install the new one or remove the old one. It should be fun.
The guy who's selling it has a company which imports things from china or somewhere. A lot cheaper than buying from a store. Now I've been thinking about his business.. What kind of a deal would he have for a new washing machine? It is really the one that needs to be replaced. And then as I thought further iPhone came to mind.. Wonder how much would that be? Not like I'd have money to buy all that stuff but it would be nice to know the prices, just in case.
Well anyway I was really excited about the new dishwasher for hours at work. It was nearly impossible to get any work done. But I did. And eventually I got over the first excitement. I'm still excited but not in the same amount.

monday

Today's been a bit of an adventure. Waking up in the countryside early in the morning to get to a bus. Then worrying about the cost of the journey. Do I have enough money? Luckily it was 20 cents less than the absolute maximum I could afford. I was back in the city over an hour too early, so it was best to go home first. Leave my stuff there, feed the cats and bike to work. That way I wont have to walk home. Had I taken the car in the morning at least I would have seen my churri today. This was I don't. But this way is the cheapest way. I am not going to make anything to eat anymore today. I have 2 apples in case I get hungry. Anyway it is going to be like this only for about 3 days. On thursday I'll have money of my own.
Would love to go swimming again but I think it's a bit too cold for that. Terrible shame. Just as I was getting so excited about it.
I have found three new brilliant artists. I'd much rather listen to them than the radio. In case you're wondering, they are Duffy, Katy Perry and Gabriella Cilmi. I do get their music on the radio quite frequently but it is not the same. There's also too much bad stuff.
Speaking of music, last night we listened to Yöiskelmä for the first time in years. Really good stuff there. Wonder why there isn't a station that plays that stuff all the time? I so rarely listen to music after midnight, especially the radio. Not fair.
One more hour left and I'm so bored. There's nothing I can think of doing. It's been like this for a few hours already. I suppose I must find some great game. Ah I forgot we have mahjongg. That'll do. Brilliat

Sunday

I dont know where I'm going to wake up tomorrow morning. Sounds interesting doesnt it? The truth is far less exciting. It just depends on the busses. If there is one I can take to get to work in time.
Anyway I'm looking to spending days alone, again. It's not fun. But we dont have two cars and he has his vacation starting now. I have to work. But at least I wont have to cook for a few days. Basically because I dont have money and I dont intend to eat anything in the evenings.
It's been hot for four days. Altough today isn't all that hot anymore. Thursday was the first and that was finally the day I got rid of my winter fur. In other words that's when I swam for the very first time. Then I've been unable to stop. I dont mean I've been swimming non stop, only that I've had to go everyday.
To be honest I have nothing to say really. I just thought it's been so long since my last time. And I'm bored. Nothing has really happened. So I guess this is as much as you(you non existing readers) are getting today.

tuesday

I've been headachy today. I believe yesterday's illness was due to 2 possible choices, both mental. First I was so reluctant to go back to work that I somehow developed those symptoms or I was so sure something was going to go wrong that I somehow developed those symptoms. Today I got the blood test results and they were fine. There's nothing wrong. I shouldnt panic so easily.
Today after hearing the results I've been feeling much better. Only headachy. That could just be weather related.
Enough about my health.
My movies arrived yesterday and I just had to watch Brokeback Mountain right away. I was slightly disappointed. Dont get me wrong I thought it was a great movie but I had such high expectations.
Why is it when planning something that involves more than one person it's so difficult? Everyone has a different view of everything. At first I had to change shifts to get out of work by 2pm so I wouldnt miss the car. Then yesterday we found out that there is a fourth person coming along who is working till 4.30pm. Now they are waiting for him. And that is far too late for me to wait, since I'd be so late at my destination. Luckily mom decided to help out and I can get the train from here and see about the return journey later.
Now I'm hungry. I've been so busy since I got home. Cleaned the kitchen properly. Vacuumed the rest of the place. Carried trash out twice. I'd really need a massage now.
I suppose this is it for today and I'm heading to shower

the first day back

feels like i was never away. not a feeling I want to feel after holidays. it's only one pm and I feel like so much has happened that it should be later. I was feeling so hot I thought I should worry. I still worry a bit though I was told not to. I was considering the possibility that I am hypochondriac. Worrying so much about something that I will develop symptoms. I dont know.
My trip to see mom got a little ups and downs today. I was able to change my shift on friday with someone, but it is not the one I wanted so the boys are not sure if they'll wait for me. Have to hope his plane is delayed a bit so it wont matter. Why does everything have to be so hard always?
There wouldnt be a problem if I had enough money to take the train from here.
Now I'm hungry. I didnt eat much lunch. Just some carrot salad (raaste?) and a few pieces of chicken.
There are these two people at the office, the invoicing dept. A boy and a girl. Both are dating someone else but they just look like they could be a couple. There's just something there that seems like it. They even look the same. Not like brother-sister same but like a couple in love.
I'm probably far from the truth but wouldnt be surprised if they had a little office fling

the last day

tomorrow is work day again. I must say I didnt get anything I wanted from my vacation. Well almost. Did get a lot of reading done. Must have read like 7 books. I'm so not ready to go back to work.
I figured if I go visit mom up north next weekend it would make going back to work less painful. Wouldnt be so "back to everyday life". Since I have very little money next weekend is the best choice, even with three weeks of vacationing behind. I can save up to 50% of the travel fair when I get a lift to Jyväskylä with the boys. Just have to hope I can change my shift on Friday so I can make it on the trip.
If everything goes well and I can go, this is my first ever chance to explore J:kylä. There might be some hours before the train leaves from when we'd arrive to town. The boys are going quite early.
One thing that was very disappointing during the vacation was the lack of interesting post. I didnt get anything fun. Maybe tomorrow it will change. I ordered 2 dvd's and it is possible they'll arrive tomorrow. I shouldnt have done that of course, with my monetary situation, but I just suddenly got the urge to see Brokeback Mountain and while I was at it I thought I'd get the Rush Hour 3 as well since it was so cheap.
About an hour ago we noticed there'll be a Spencer&Hill movie on telly tonight. Hope it's the first one this summer. Would be a shame if we had missed some of them.
I'm off to the loo. ta ta

oh no non ononono

It's friday. Monday is the day i've been dreading for a long time. It's the day when i have to go back to work again. The thought is just too depressing. My great plan of finding a new job while on vacation was ruined. For reasons i'm not going to mention. I did send one application. Never heard back from them. Can't even remember what job it was.
I'm having the last of my rasberry sorbet.
This morning I spent about 30 minutes watching an introduction to iPhone. Gosh that thing is interesting. Shame it's so expensive.. I'll get that when I win the lotto or get a great job that pays super well. That's a promise. lol
It seems that I have nothing to say. Been over a month and there's is nothing i can think of. Well maybe next time

feeling tired

it is absolutely the most fabulous day of the year so far. 10am and already 19,2 C. Should go as high as 27 and clear sky. What more can one ask for? HOw about a day off? Or at least to get off earlier. It seems like such a waste being stuck indoors on a weather like this. But the worst part is waking up so early it was still pretty cold. Basically meaning that I had to wear a long-sleeved shirt on the ride to work but I'm far too over-dressed for the ride home. I should be in shorts and top. Not in black corduroys and ugly tee. But it is too much to ask to bring a backbag for the extra clothes.
1. My back will not be able to make it back home if i have heavy carriage on it.
2. It would be too hot to carry a big bag on my back.


I've started to wonder about Nottingham. There's Trent FM, Trent Value Windows, Some Trent university or something and other places called trent something. Why is that? Is it as dull and simple as the river? There's a river called Trent that goes through the city. Could that have "named" so many things? Or does it go further than that? Was the river also named after Trent something. I tried Wikipedia. No luck.

19,8 C

Today I swear I'm going to be outside. Enjoying the sun. Getting tanned. I just wish I had a plan. You know, something to so other than just sitting and reading. I'd like a proper tan. not just my arms and chest.

20,8 C

Hahaa that's my birthday!! Yesterday I realized how little this feels like summer. I mean it's sunny and hottish but still I dont feel at all like summer. Think it must be the work-thing. Having to work everyday and not being able to enjoy the weather.

a bus ride from hell

he sat next to me. a man in his fifties perhaps. straight away I could smell what he'd been up to downtown. the awful smell of old booze. drunken men are the worst people you could possible sit next to in a bus. it didnt take long when he started it. the talking. first a comment about my dinner as it lay on my lap. then a bit more. i was listening to my ipod and since he wouldnt stop talking i had to turn off my music. i didnt say much. didnt want to encourage him. yet he went on. told me how he had had a few drinks at some terraces around the city. said he might still go. asked me to come along. i said no. many times. he said very nice things to me. things that might have built my ego hadnt he been a drunken middle-aged man. glad he got off the bus before me.

we had our first football practise today. it was more fun than i expected. i hope we'll(esp. me) be going again and again. and i was better than i expected. wasnt afraid to go get the ball, even off those big hunky men. i was a teensy bit afraid to go too near the tiny girl. was afraid i might hurt her if i was to go too near. my shoes didnt like it though. i hope my sister's footie shoes fit. i need shoes that wont kill my toes and ruin my only good pair of regular shoes.

think i might get something to eat.. he's not home yet, but it's getting late.

sat

been naughty today. Started with Daim McFlurry. Oh that was so delicious. Then later bought a small bag of toffee and a yesterday's strawberry danish. yum yum. very naughty.
I started wanting Alanis Morissettes album Under Rug Swept. Looked for it at cdon.com, quite cheap. I just don't have any money. Suddenly realized there's a perfectly fine library less than a km away. Checked online if they have that cd and must have been my lucky day. Took off straight away. Looking around at the library also found a Jewel album and three Waylon Jennings. Took one Waylon and headed to the movies. Nothing interesting there. The English book section was almost as disappointing. All the Maeves, were the same ones I have at home, only one Sheldon(the best) and no Marians or Cathys or anyone else. After a careful look I found interesting looking books by Lauren Henderson. When I go for an unknown author I judge the book by its cover. The nicer the cover, the more likely I'm taking it. And it also met my two main criteria, besides the cover-thing, it's chick-lit and the writer is English. I wasn't in the mood for anything scary or exciting. Although that book is about a PI it can't be anything but light reading.
Am very pleased with the Alanis cd. Excellent music. Waylon also not letting me down. Haven't gotten to Jewel yet.
I'm making a dish from the past today. Something delicious and extra unhealthy we used to eat when we were kids. My sister got the recipe from mom. Hope I can make it as good as it was back then. If only I could get Grandma's blueberry pie recipe I'd be happy. Perhaps even the rieska recipe. I understand it's the easiest bread there is, but am afraid it needs a special oven.. It doesn't really matter, wouldn't be making that much anyway. The pie is what I really want. No one else makes blueberry pie as good as my granny. She's getting so demented I'm afraid she doesn't remember me or the recipe anymore.
Would someone come vacuum this place? I really don't feel like doing anything. It's after all my only real day off of the week.

friday

for a moment there I thought of writing a letter. Then I couldn't think of anyone to send it to..
Then I decided it was best if I just wrote another blog entry. I'm bored. Don't get me wrong these are the best work days. When there's nothing to do. I get a headache if I have to envelope too many letters. I have no idea if I can say that. Use envelope as a verb. Is it right?
I forgot to watch the second semi-final of the Eurovision song contest last night. Went to bed before nine and slept lightly till i got a txt at 1:40 am and a call four minutes later. Then as I was driving towards the city center five or so minutes later I remembered it. It's not the end of the world. I can still watch it online. I so hope Finland won't win this year. It's not right to win with a metal song again. Eurovision is not that kind of a contest.
There's a Mark Dennison on the radio. He sounds exactly like Oscar Blaketon in Heartbeat. Not the same guy, I checked.
My hair's dirty and in need of a cut. I "forgot" to shower yesterday. It wouldn't be so dirty if I hadn't put the extra hair mousse on my head.
I went to the gym yesterday. I was supposed to spend lots of time there since I've been so lazy lately. What I did was spend 25 minutes on the massage-chair and then about 20 minutes in the gym. I really didn't feel like being there and doing anything. I don't think there's a point to force myself. They (some fancy scientists) say that the best results you get when you're in the mood. I know it's money wasted. Spending 10-50 e/month, depending if I've had exercise vouchers, when I go max once a week. But what can I do? I'm always so tired. And it's so far away these days. I've been having to wake up far too early for far too long. It's not normal for anyone to be up at 5 or 6 am, especially when you don't have kids. And then If you have to put up with a lot shit at work, there's no way any energy is left at the end of the day. I know some people use sports as a way to relax but not me. I just want to watch telly and read a book and sleep a lot.
Why is Facebook always under site maintenance in the midday? Now that I'm bored I'd like to go there and do stuff. But I can't get in. **** ****

sporty tuesday

this morning at 7:07 sitting by my computer. sun shining nicely outside. got urge to bike to work. fmi said only 2,4 C out. a bit cold. nothing a proper clothing wouldnt solve. got up and went to dig out mittens and something for the ears. and actually did it. took amazingly short time 15-20 mins, would say about a minute faster than the bus. the bus and i on the stop at the same time. the bus on the final stop and i two stops behind. from stop to work on foot approx. mins. think it's safe to say i was faster by bike than i'd have been by bus. didnt even sweat much. downhill almost all the way. will be horrible to go back. uphill all the way. bit worried about the possibility for rain.
good lunch today. cant wait. almond fish and berry quark. great.
started thinking in british. would be great if i could speak the same way.
think my favorite english expression is "early days". dunno what it is that makes it so appealing to me, just somehow fun two words. early days.
nine thirty. already scanned table empty. will have a day full of games.
lost endorphin feeling.

the drunken night

sunday and getting pissed. had some white wine and cider. must work tomorrow.
if only i could be drunk at work. maybe then it would be a bit more tolerable. or not.
gosh i hate that place. it just gets worse and worse every day. i need to find another job i could start after my summer holidays. i still want the holidays and the money. after that i never wanna see the place again. especially the boss.
it seems as if this blog is only all about how much i hate my job. cant help it.
thursday was my last chace to apply for english philology this year. there was no point since i could never get in and i wouldnt survive in an university. too much reading boring stuff.
wish i could write like keyes again. seem to have lost the touch. see if can bring it back.
spent all weekend relaxing. did nothing real. just read and watched telly. and slept a lot. 14 hours on fri-sat night. was that tired. got two six am mornings next week, wonder how on earth going manage those. and if the weather doesnt improve there's no chance for getting less tired.
had chinese yesterday. chicken&pineapple. didnt like it. too sweet. bf left most of his hot garlick sauce's veggies, i ate those. almost had 2 meals. too much. know not to get chicken&pineapple again.
watched the english patient finally. one boring movie. far too long. at least i've seen it now. no need to watch again.
i felt more drunk after the wine. now been drinking cider. not so drunk anymore. need more wine?

hate my job

I hate my job, i hate, hate, hate, hate, hate my job. I hate my job, i hate my job, i hate hate hate hate hate my job, i hate my job i hate my job, i hate, hate, hate, hate, hate my job. Everyone join in! I hate my job, i hate my job, I hate, hate, hate, hate my job.
I hate my boss, i hate my boss, i hate hate hate hate hate my boss.
I need new job, i need new job, i need, need, need, need new job.

at least they're playing my new fav song on the radio(trent fm, nottingham) Estelle - American Boy.

go again.
I hate my job, i hate, hate, hate, hate, hate my job. I hate my job, i hate my job, i hate hate hate hate hate my job, i hate my job i hate my job, i hate, hate, hate, hate, hate my job. Everyone join in! I hate my job, i hate my job, I hate, hate, hate, hate my job.
I hate my boss, i hate my boss, i hate hate hate hate hate my boss.
I need new job, i need new job, i need, need, need, need new job.

getting ready for the big bosses

not happy. long day today. work-related thing later. fortunately with pay. sucks.
mrs big boss and mr even bigger boss coming. work done, lying on table. invoices, not me.
got car. no need to rely on busses to get home.
finished book yesterday. was brilliant, fantastic. ended too soon. long wait for next. started writing blog Lola-way. written blog many times in head. old dreams of moving to dublin (or london) and becoming a writer came back. hate U2. listening trent fm all week. want to hear british talk.
writing dream. had for 11-12 years. no verbal talent. dream gone.
bosses here. must end.

hot hot hot

hot hot. and i love it. and it's not even really hot only 22,5 C but it feels so hot and the sun is shining all the time. I've been out for about 5 hours. Just came in, started feeling a bit woozy. The last hour or so I spend right behind the house on a bench, reading a book. I brought a cider for drinking and I was wearing a hat and lots of sun screen lotion. I still think I managed to burn myself :) that's not good of course but it's not bad, just slightly red. Havent seen my face yet. I spent couple of hours in the morning trying to find summery shoes and shorts or skirt or something less hot. I was wearing my black pants folded and the ancient sandals i've never liked.
but then again when everything looks bad on me, why bother...? i know i look like shit and it'll never change. i cant seem to find the perfect motivator.

so the ice hockey championship games started yesterday. very uninteresting. i really couldnt care less. hockey is a stupid game played by idiots. men who have lost their brain along with their teeth. Fortunately this year is a football year also :) european games. should start in june. cant wait.
we are planning to attend the footie practices in june. our gym thing.

oh my back..

is killing me..
Today is a weird day. Everything is so strangely calm. People dont walk around as much as they normally do. And I dont feel like doing anything at all. Really tired. I have plenty of scanning to do, but those darn piles contain so f* many mistakes.. I really really dont feel like doing them today. It started shining outside. I want to go there.
The lunch sucked also. Fish was too salty. Dessert was too lumpy. Bread was bad too.
At least I didnt have to take the bus to work today. I drove. I just woke up far too early. In my slight drunken state last night I didnt realize I dont have to wake up so early to catch the bus.
I wore my new halterneck under the work-tent, so I wont have to go to the stores wearing this ugly tent after work. I'm thinking of making lasagna.
I really should get a haircut. My hair's been growing for nearly fours years uninterrupted.. It's been cut twice since.. but not too much. Now it's all uneven and full of split ends. But it's so f* pricy. I can't afford it with my salary.. perhaps when I've had my loan paid off. Then I'll have like 200 extra, which is more than enough for a simple haircut.
I'm secretly reading a book while I scan. I have it hidden inside a folder so people might think I'm actually working. It's the fouth fictional novel by Nick Hornby. A Long Way Down. It's quite good actually. But so were the rest of his books so it's no wonder. You know what? I'm sure I won't be getting the new Marian Keyes today. It would be so my luck. Telling everyone it's coming and totally expecting it myself and then it doesn't come....

...

i got lontoon rae chocolate, rum-raisin ice cream, 2 ciders and a 6pack of beer for the boy.
The store only had kopparbergs extra dry cider left of the dry ciders.. the rest were all sweet. seems that a majority of people prefers their cider good, like me. dry or extra dry. especially the english type of cider is my favorite.

vappu day, or May Day

so.. I've run out of drinks.. I had a bottle of cheap romanian white but it's all gone now. I need more. Can't waste this wappu. i'm not even drunk yet. Just a bit cheerful. Wearing my Yo-lakki. That's the white cap we get when we graduate from high school (lukio). And we only wear it during wappu after the actual graduation day. Mine is getting a bit yellow on the sides.. It's a shame.
We didnt drink yesterday, when was the actual drinking day. I'm working tomorrow but I still need more to drink. Went to the country side, my bf's family has a summer house there.. It sound more fancy than it is.. Did somethings there and on the way back my f-in-law bought us lunch/dinner, so it was free kebab.
I need to change my pants and go out, find it any stores are open. For more drinks.
It's a good time now that Sheena went to lunch and there's nothing on telly...

Vappu

To be accurate Vappu isnt until tomorrow, but tomorrow is more like the national hang-over day.
Today is the day for celebrations.
This is the first year when this day's been absolutely meaningless to me. I've no plans.
Might get a bottle of wine. Or cider.

http://ekabini.blogspot.com/2007/04/sunnuntai-klikkailtavaa-blogien-parhaat.html is the source for this picture. Typical Vappu things, munkkis, sima and serpenttiini

Good thing today's going to be "hot" and sunny, at least it is now.
The salary came today. I think the money is again all spent already. In my head at least. This sucks. I need a raise. A big one.
The region manager came by yesterday and had a problem with everyone's outfit. Now I have to wear a tent in the lobby. Some day, far too soon, we'll be getting white shirts to wear here. That's just great. Then everyone can see our bras. And it's not like I have a white one.. OR will ever find. Shopping for bras is really hard. Each time I manage to find a suitable one it is either black or purple. So basically a dark color that shines through a white shirt so easily. And then the other problem I have with white is the color. White is soooo wrong for me, makes me look ever fatter, which I really dont need. I look fat enough as it is. Then i'll just feel huge and ugly and miserable and will hate my job and myself more and more each day. That must be her plan.. the managers I mean. Make us all miserable so we wont be asking for a raise. Whereas she drives a brand new white station wagon.. And she can wear her own clothes..

I was supposed to bike to work this morning. Then I remembered that most places close at 6pm. I get off at 4 and I need to buy a lot of things, best just take the bus.
I need:
Shampoo
Conditioner
Toothpaste
HP Chilli
Garlick
Pirkka Kurkkusalaatti
New panties
A t-shirt
Hair dye
Wine
Food
Ben&Jerry's

Well this much I can remember now... Hopefully I'll remember the rest when I'm in the shops.

I had 4 pain killers yesterday. In three hours. It took 5 hours to kill the pain but not nearly as long to affect my brain. I was feeling a bit dizzy or unclear in the head for a while. Not something I want to do ever again, but what to do when you feel like dying once a month..? Perhaps I should see a doctor but that would require a phone call, which is something I hate and then I'd actually have to go there to talk about my issues.. Never liked seeing the doc.. I'm not all that good about talking and especially talking about my personal matters and feelings. So seeing a doctor isnt really fun for me.

so perhaps I'll return here later this afternoon, now I should really get some work done..