Dreams

I had a really good dream last night. It made me so happy. Shame it was just a dream and will never ever be real :( I'm in love with a fantasy

I need more friends

When I think about it, all my friends, incl. my bf, are so different from me. We don't really share any interests. We don't like the same music, they don't like to dance. Basically they are no use for me. I'm stuck alone all the time.

Sometimes I just wish I could take a break from all of them, then I think I can't go anywhere, coz I'd miss Zumba ;)

I'm enjoying almost looking like a normal person again. It's been nearly seven years.

I've come to see it for myself that it is actually possible to gain weight when you don't eat enough, which seems quite unbelievable. But that's true. As soon as I dared to eat a bit more I lost 0,5kg in one day.

The weird thing is, I've not missed ice cream at all. I might have mentioned the ice cream reward before, and even now after over a week I still haven't bought the CG. I don't understand where this motivation has come from. But I'm liking it.

Just to let you know

I'm a chicken.

..

I've locked myself into the kitchen where I'm listening to Daddy Yankee with Riesling and feeling blue.

I want to go out. I want to have fun. I want to live a little. Instead I'm stuck in the kitchen on my computer dreaming of a better life..

If I was to go to the living room I'd have to quit listening to the music and watch boring shows and be all servy to my bf with a hang-over.

Today after Zumba I felt I didn't want to go back home. Knowing too well what expects me here... I want more. I don't want to be the person who everyone comes to when they're hungry or too lazy to do something themselves.

I am not feeling at all xmassy. I don't feel excited about it at all. And it's not because I've gotten old, because I'm not old, I don't feel day over 21. But just for some reason I don't seem to have the usual xmas enthusiasm..

blog-day

I've been blogging like mad for all my other blogs but now that I came here and started to think what I'm going to write about my head went blank.

10 days to xmas. I've done pretty much all my shopping, last ones today at lunch. I don't feel at all xmassy. Been feeling a bit low anyways in the past few months or so. Especially now when it's -16 to -24 C outside all the time. It's not the darkness because it's not been dark, there's so much snow everywhere. General displeasure. I have my dance hobbies to make me happy but that's only for an hour / day maybe the good feeling lasts a bit longer but ..

One thing I am extremely happy about me. Physical feature. I've always had a waist. Even on my fattest of days I've always had a waist. That means of course now that I am the smallest I've been in nearly 7 years my belly doesn't look saggy or otherwise ugly. a few more kgs and it's looking quite good actually. If only I could get thin arms too. I've never had thin arms...

I figured the best excuse for a run. All you need is a dog. It doesn't have to be your own dog. My boss' dog loves it when we run a bit. He's old so luckily he doesn't run too much, I can keep up.

I've lost all motivation to work. Even the thought of having a regular job freaks me out a bit, since it's not going to be what I really want. So what do I really want? Still no clue..

I wish I had a talent. Sucks to be average but not have the mind to live average life.

haha. nutcase obviously.

what can i say?

I am feeling.. i can't define it. It's bothering me none the less.

That's why I have to let it out, even though I can't really let it out since I don't know how to describe it.

Also feeling a bit silly.

I suppose that must be enough for now.