wednesday

It has been a stressfull week and it's only half way through. Today I talked to a solicitor! First time ever. I just had to say solicitor coz it's such a funny word. It's about the office supply disaster I'm not going to talk about.
I got to make candy bags today, again. It's fun. But not all that great for me. It is impossible not to eat any(read:a lot) of them while bagging them. Yummy.
My no pizza promise got broken today. Actually I've been having pizzas at home but they dont count. But hey what can one do when there is absolutely nothing else edible on the menu?
Now I need water. But I cannot go get some coz there are people just outside the door smoking and I have to let them in. Hurry up!!
Has it been a week again since my last post? Could it be? Havent been in the blogging mood I guess.
I'm feeling huge right now. Too much candy. Cant. have. more. must. stop. now.
need more water!!!
and need to end this now

in the mood for country

I'm feeling a bit down. Thinking bad thoughts and going through worst case scenarios in my head.
I've decided that I'm no good. I'm not good at anything and I'm not really interested in anything. At least anything I could think of doing for living. It's no wonder I can't decide what I'd like to do.
Suppose I'm stuck in that horrible job for ever.. Or at least until the job no longer exists in 2010.
I really really dont want to do that a day longer but I dont know what I'd really really want to do instead. sucks.
Wouldnt it be great if I could just go somewhere nice to "find myself" like they do on telly? Like spain or new york or london or or or or. But I'm not a millionaire.
Hey that's what I'd like to be - a millionaire. I could do anything I want or do absolutely nothing. I could buy everything I could possibly want and didnt have to stress about anything. A Stress-free life. That's a nice, distant dream.
I'm learning to drink G&T's tonight. Being home alone - again. I could use a lemon. Forgot to buy one.
I love country music for its dark, sad lyrics.

thursday

I've been fighting the urge to go and buy lots of cheap candy today. And now I'm losing the battle.
But to make it less bad I'm going to walk to Citymarket and if I'm still up for it I might walk home from there. That'll be at least 6 kms walk so it sort of erases the badness of the huge pack of candy. Right?
Annoyingly busy day. Hate these. Less than hour and a half left so I'm almost saved.
Any ideas what I should do today? Yet again I'm left alone for the night. More of these and I'm seriously getting suspicious :)
I tried one of those Vaalikone thingies a few days ago and guess who was the best match?? Mikko Alatalo! hahahaa. Have to test the others as well to see which one gives me the best answer.

I should get back to scanning. **** ****

wednesday

four days without posting anything. Someone might think I've been busy or have nothing to say... And that would be so... true.
It was a weird weekend coz it was so different, even though it wasnt really..
work's been awful, like always.
I skipped pizza again today. Took a lot of strenght. The tuna salad wasnt at all good. But I'm proud of myself. If all goes well next week I can have a slice. Only if I reach my goal. What's my goal? I'm not telling. ha ha.
enough.

friday

I've changed my mind about something I wrote earlier this week. Erased it totally. So never mind.
It's sunny and freezing today.
Last night I found myself thinking that perhaps I'd like a job without any responsibilities. Something interesting where I could learn the job peacefully. The problem is that everyone is always looking for people with years of experience and no one ever wants someone to learn..

I've got to learn to drink water. I've lived for days with only a glass of milk a day. That can't be good and healthy. But how can I remember to drink water when I'm not thirsty? There must be something wrong with me.

My cats worked really hard to wake me up last night. Loud meows and scratching the litter box.. I don't know what time it was but before sunrise anyway. It's amazing how 2 smallish(read: big) animals can make so much noise..

I got a bit carried away yesterday at home. With food. Had 3 Lidl pizza slices and a Tupla Sport apple. Somehow just couldn't stop eating. Later I was being kept awake by phone calls from the man in the woods. I couldn't even hear him well all the time. I am not even sure if he got mad at me for some reason coz he ended the call so suddenly. I just didn't hear everything. Now I'm not sure wheter to be nervous or not. And I suppose after 20 or more beers he won't be waking up for hours.

It's amazing how, all the people I know and know of, I've never seen anyone familiar trying for idols. You'd think that after 4 seasons there'd be at least one person from some school or somewhere that i'd know. They said all the approved auditions would be on web-tv. But they didn't say they'd cost something. Though I did suspect it.

I'm listening to elevator music today at work. Lifehouse similar artists radio.

I've obviously got nothing to say today so I'll just give up

thursday

I have about 4 hours to write this today. Doubt I'll spend so much time though.
I still remember some html-code. Starting to forget everything I've ever learned coz I never have to use the info. But I managed to add links to my blog. I've seen them in others blogs and I've always wondered how they get them there. Suppose once there was an easier option for adding links to friends blogs but I've been unable to find that option. I had to do it the hard way, by coding. It looks a bit out of place, wrong fonts and sizes and all that but it doesn't really matter. At least I have an easy access to everyone's blogs. Everyone sounds far more than 4 people.

I forgot I was writing this. Got stuck reading Emmerdale website. Now I have some idea what is going to happen in the future in that show and most importantly who killed Tom King. That's something I didn't want to know, but accidentally read it.

I'm facing another lonely night tonight.. Altough "another" might not apply here. I'll be joining him tomorrow after work, after I've fed the fur balls. I just have to find out somehow when the busses go. Now I have a plan based on bus time tables for tomorrow. I just have to figure out what food to buy coz I only have like half an hour to buy it and then find the stop.
I suppose after tomorrow I won't have any money left. At all. It's been 11 days since the pay day and now I'm skint. How fair is that? 19 days to go.

Now I'm really bored.

Guess what my bf suggested earlier?!?! A spa weekend! How great is that? I've been complaining about stress and work work work never ending. How much I need a holiday. We could go to Eden some weekend and spend the night. Price includes unlimited access to the pool area and buffet-breakfast. It's quite expensive but who cares?! Hotel night and lots of swimming sounds fabulous.

I think I'm mixing american and british english all the time here. Teachers always said choose one and stick with it. Never been good at that.

This is a stupid work day. No one to chat with. Nothing going on in Facebook. I'm answering questions on FB's Interview application but it has some problems all the time. Error after each enter. Not fun.

This is going to be my worst post yet. Hours long self babbling. Nothing interesting. Nothing fluent. One thought here and another there.

I realized this morning on the bus that I'm screwed on the last two days of the month. My bus card expired on Sunday, 2 days before I get money. So I have no idea how I'm going get myself to work those days. It's too early to get a ride and too cold for biking. I hope I don't have to walk.

Actually I would have work to do, but I don't feel like doing it.. Okay okay I'll put one to the scanner and continue these more important things.. I ended up doing the whole pile. It's late enough to "retire" from that for the rest of the day. Nearly two hours left and I need an idea of what to do all that time. 2,5 hours I*ve written this thing. 2,5 hours and this is all I've come up with? Lame.

Ok I'm going to give up now. This is enough BS for one day. I'm ashamed to publish this but here it goes..

paprika rasism

At lunch I found out I am not the only one who hates paprika. Always thought people generally like it. Which I could never understand. It's horrible. One day they ruined all breakfast sandwiches with it and even when I took the paprika out of it I could still taste it. Yuck yuckyuckyucketyyuckyuck.
One small reason why I chose soup over pizza today was coz I suspected that it would be poisoned with paprika. Kebab-pizza often is. I was right.

How could we(the sane folk :)) get the paprika prices so high they'd stop using it all together?

Need a master plan. Ideas?

Wednesday

I still feel horrible. After yesterday's incident at work. At least I'm not shaking anymore. Trying to get my mind off that. It's very hard. Looking at London real estate. There's a nice £13,5 million place.. Wouldn't mind living there.
I have found myself a new idol in the acting world. Well he's British as the best looking actors usually tend to be. And we all see him on telly on fridays at 7.10pm. So it is Jonathan Kerrigan. There, I've said it. Let's move on.

Moving to a completely different matter. Food. Almost lunch time. It's pizza day and I'm determined to go for the soup. The pizza is usually very good but I'm going to resist. I'm going to eat light as long as I possibly can.
I should probably get back to work now..

Midnight adventure

I thought I could sleep properly, 10 hours even. Boy was I wrong. Around 10-ish last night, I was already in bed trying to fall asleep when my phone rang. It was my bf. He was 130kms away on a business trip and asked if I could pick him up, now. After the first shock it started sounding interesting. It's so rare that I get to drive long distances and alone. So I said ok. I went. Nearly two-hour-drive /way. I thought of it as an adventure. A chance to sing my heart out in an empty car. It was fun. But in small doses. If I had to do something as crazy more often it wouldn't be fun anymore.
So no more 10 hours sleep.. Instead it was more like 4,5 or so. As you can imagine I am rather tired right now and would love to go home to sleep.. Still more than three hours at work and then food and then cooking and watching telly.. I'll probably be really tired all week now.

Dieting is really hard work. Yesterday I spent counting calories. Tried to eat enough for one day to lose weight but not one bit more. So the aim was at 1250 calories. I'm worried I didn't get there.. Was looking at my food diary in the evening and wondering what can I eat for 550 calories still today.. Decided on half a vege sub without cheese.. Perhaps I should have kept the cheese. At least the scale was really scary this morning. But then again it was the first time in a long time so I don't know if it was more or less than yesterday. I think I'm a bit too impatient for diets. Coz I need results right away, not a month or a year from now.. We'll see how long I can keep this up this time. I'm sick of being the fatty.

How many times have I mentioned that I want the iPhone?? Probably too many. It's such a great thing. Maybe when my iPod breaks and my phone gets worse.. Or when I win the jackpot on some nice Saturday.

Found a great new game. It's keeping me busy all day long. Just as well, I don't really have any work to do. It's called Papas Pizzeria. I'm now Master Chef.

Monday

AAARRGH!!! work again.. I need a proper holiday. I mean time in the sun where I'll be pampered and I don't have to cook or serve any meals or do anything for anyone else. Too much to ask?
There was some (drunken) talk of Dublin trip sometime this coming winter me included. Wouldn't be just for the boy.. I'm not going to get too excited. He was after all had a few beers. Shall I get a new passport?

Could someone explain to me why sometimes it looks cold outside when it's sunny? I mean when it actually is cold. My point is, it is sunny, no snow anywhere.. How do I see the coldness?

My perfect plan to eat less than 1000 calories today is going to fail.. Or not. But I'm very hungry now. Had 3 meatballs for lunch plus some carrot(raaste) and melon. If I have a rye sandwich and an apple next will that keep me happy till tomorrow? I read that 7 minutes of driving will burn off the porkkanathingy. I'll be behind the wheel for at least 8 minutes so it will do more than that. haha.

I finished reading the last of Åsa Larsson's books but I forgot to bring it back. It is Henna's book.
It was quite alright. Not brilliant but readable. What should I read next? I don't think I have any interesting unfinished books of my own and definitely not enough money to buy any.. Library is always an option but..

Now there's a teribble taste of tooth pick in my mouth.. yuk. And I have a feeling I'll be getting a headache before this work day is over.

Speaking of work I had a dream where I think I got a job here with the other company. Was talking to the big boss about work time.. But he didn't actually hire me or anything and I was a bit unsure of what to do.. It was just a dream and so far I've not been offered a better job.

So the boy is away on business today and comes back tomorrow. Strange to say that since his job isn't exactly the typical one to go on a business trip.. Learning about the new Bosch products and getting free booze and food and hotel accommodation. At least I can go to sleep at nine :)

Break time

saturday

wohoo I have a reader! Bet it was a one off and no one ever reads this ever again.
I was feeling a bit sick this afternoon. Glad it passed, got a bit freaked out for a moment there. Better not come back again.
I ate 900gs of Hornets today. Just couldn't stop. They are just so good. But I also bought a food diary. The plan is to write down everything I eat and drink during each day, hoping it will help me eat less..
Just realized a few days ago that I havent drunk more than one glass of milk a day and nothing more. You're supposed to drink at least a litre of water a day and I get one glass of milk.. Still not been thirsty.. Weird huh? Must be something wrong with me..
I saw Dirty Dancing for the first time today. I got a bit too high expectations so it wasn't as good as I'd hope. It was good but not as good as I expected. Right after that I felt like dancing. I even checked the local cuban dancing school's website right after. Very expensive. But it didn't make me want to dance as much as Shall We Dance.
If I had too much money I would definitely try all kinds of dancing possibilities. Probably would love that. I'd really want to try rock'n'roll.
We're almost out of cookies. I baked cookies two days ago.. I think I've eaten them all myself.. They're delicious, but basically nothing but sugar and fat..
Still haven't figured out how to add other blogs as links on my blog.. Others have links to others blogs and I'm totally clueless.. Ashamed to admit

thursday

I can never remember thursday in spanish..
lunes, martes, miercoles and then nothing.. sunday domingo but the last three don't stay in my head.

thusdays suck. No one's ever online to chat with and lunch is usually bad on thursdays. There's nothing good about thursdays.. Only when it's pay day.. But even then it feels funny to go to work on friday, coz it somehow feels like it would be friday coz of the money. too confusing?

I can't stop wondering why the richest people are the stingiest.. Unfortunately I don't dare write more about the subject.

Would I have enough energy to go to gym today? It's been months since my last time and these are the last weeks I have the chance.

If only I had even half decent salary.. Maybe I'll leave it at that.. You can figure out the rest.

I want to buy things. I want a new sofa, digital camera, a pink one and a new washing machine. Oh and our vacuum cleaner is quite bad too. Still no sign of the dish washer.. I'm starting to believe that it's not coming at all.. I'm afraid to spend too much of my money coz I don't have any idea when I'm going to need that dishwasher money..
Maybe I should buy a lottery ticket today. Really need money. If I could get a thousand I could either spend it on my loan or buy the camera and the washing machine with it. Or both. 50-50.

Our boss is having a bad week. She is once again taking it all out on us. Everything just sucks

I need one of those bright light lamps to take away my autumn depression. I read it helps. The darkess makes me sleepy and depressed. I need light. Preferably sunlight in the south, Spain or so ;)

This will have to do for today

wednesday

yet another pizza day.

I'm affected by the weather far too much. This so called global warming has brought never ending rains here. So basically it is dark and wet all the time. Our summer lasted for 2 weeks and even then it wasnt all that hot and clear-skyed. Looking at weather forecasts for Madrid and Madison, makes me really green with envy. Those places are still very hot, still full of summer. I suppose there is an upside to all this - winter. If the next winter is going to be anything like last winter, we wont see much snow. Although snow would mean less darkness.. I'm guessing it'll be dark and rainy till june next year. Then we'll see a couple of sunny days and rain comes back for at least a month.

This never ending darkness is making me so tired all the time. I've started taking 4-hour naps and still no problems falling asleep at night.. (started meaning I've done it once...) I'm all depressed and gloomy.. Positive thinking and energy are two words I'm not familiar with.

On Monday I sent 2 job applications. One for this "mother" company and one for Crocs. I spent nearly 3 days working on the application for this place, wanting it to be perfect. But now I feel like this office supplies disaster is ruining my chances.. At least a little bit. My colleague did fantastic damage control when she told the big boss about it. I don't know how she managed to write such an email. I was really really nervous at first but then I saw what she wrote and felt better right away.

I don't know how to deal with salesmen who don't shut up for a second. And don't ask if we want to buy they just sell sell sell. Before I knew it I was signing the order sheet. Horrible men. Never want to see them or anyone like them ever again. They even called first but talked so fast and so much I didn't understand what they wanted.

This is becoming the longest ever post and no one will ever want to read it.. (As if anyone ever does).

I had a superfun weekend. I laughed so much. Occationally it was hard to breathe. We weren't drunk(though we did consume 4,5 litres of wine and 4 ciders/each) and we weren't high, if that's what you're wondering. And we ate and ate and ate. Basically we were eating all the time(or cooking) except when we were rowing for about 10-15 minutes and playing footie and frisbee for about another 15mins. Then we did the girly thing. It was 70 minutes till the shops close and we had to leave to get more candy. Ended up buying 3 bags of candy and chocolate. It was fun.

Got a little new-car-fever on that trip. Driving that old thing doesn't feel like anything anymore, not after the brand new car. And I didn't even drive it.

I'm worried that I didn't spend enough money on my wellies.. I'm afraid there'll be a hole on the bottom soon.. I have to wear them so much. If only I could get past this fall, winter and spring with those I'd be happy.

As you may have noticed, I have nothing to do. Or I would have if I didn't have to sit here in the lobby.

And now I got nothing. Head is blank.