can't sleep

I started thinking about r's ireland trip and it got me all down. Do I really have this low self-esteem that I can't believe him when he says he would have wanted me to go with him? The fact that he got the tickets first and then told me he is going doesnt help much.
i wouldnt have been able to go anyway since i'm totally broke this month and dont even have a passport.
I dont believe in words. People can easily say anything. To get what they want or to just say what the other person wants to hear. This is why I'm a firm believer of actions. As they say: actions speak louder than words. I dont like this. Being uncertain. Always wondering. It's not fun or fair.

But hey, it's 1:18am and I'm getting up in about 5 hours and still havent been able to sleep.. dwelling in self pity. Just ignore all this, I'm tired and it's late.

I'm a bit frustrated.. I know what they'd say if this was a movie... but i'm not telling you. haha